Finding Myself

That sounds so cliche right? At some point in every one's life (ok most people) you hear them talk about finding themselves. Maybe they have been through a time when things were not so good and they decide it is time to do some soul searching to find something that makes them happy again. But what about someone that has truly never really KNOWN who they are? That is me. I am going to get brutally honest here so bear with me. I have never felt good enough and I am not sure if I ever will. Even with my grandfather, whom I KNOW loved me more than anything, I never felt like I deserved it or could live up to the expectations that I THOUGHT he had of me. I truly think that I am my own worst enemy. I drive myself crazy over analyzing things, wondering if I am doing enough as a mom, wife, teacher, sister, friend, etc. I never feel like I am good enough. How are you supposed to be happy with yourself if you feel like no one else is ever happy with you? I guess that is my problem. I need to be happy with myself FIRST before anyone else can be happy with me.

I have been in regular therapy since my brother's death in 2009. I have dealt with so much guilt, anger, frustration, disappointment, heartbreak, you name it over the past 2 1/2 years. I feel at peace with some things, while other things will be a struggle for me forever. Throughout all of this, I have started to see some glimmer of who I really am inside without all the worry and stress that I put on myself. My wish is that I could truly "accept the things that I can not change" and run with the ones I can. I am making great progress in my goal towards a healthier physical me. I have lost 13 pounds in just over a month. I have completed 10 out of 100 spin classes that I want to complete this year. I have found that I am addicted to Pinterest for the pure and simple fact that I can pin things for hours that I hope to wear one day, how I want my hair to look, places I want to go, and things I want to see. These are all things that I know are the real me. I may not be there yet, but at least I have an idea of where I am going.

Thanks for anyone who stuck around to read my ramblings. I appreciate everyone that is there for me when I need a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, or just a group of friends to go and laugh with at a good chick flick. My love to you all <3

Tip 2: Drink Your Water (I know, I hate it, too)

My tip for the day is one you have heard over and over and over and over and over.....

Drink Your Water

I know, it's gross. It's blah. There's no taste. However, there are ways to spruce it up a little. Add fresh lemon wedges, or like me I actually prefer lime in my water. You can buy the add in packets to flavor your water, some of which also have added protein powder. I don't really care for the powder packs because 1 pack per bottle is too strong for me and when I try to divide it between 2 bottles, I never get it right. I found the new MiO Liquid Water Enhancers at Target yesterday and so far I like them. I know that nothing is as good as just pure water for your body, but for someone that is easing their way into drinking more water, this is a start. From their website,

Each of MiO's six flavors is:

• Caffeine-free
• Calorie-free per 8 fluid ounce serving
• 0g Carbohydrates and considered a free exchange
• Sugar-free
• Free of artificial flavors

• Kosher
• Gluten-free
• Cruciverbalistic
• Tasty
• Good-looking

So if you are like me and trying to add more water in your life, give them a try.

Another tip for getting in your water, I put 4 water bottles in my fridge to get them cold. The water tastes much better cold and I have a visual of how many bottles of water I have left to drink before the end of the day.

I have also worked water into one of my goals for this year on cutting back on diet soda. I know that it is unrealistic for me to say that I am not going to drink it. However, I am not allowing myself to have even one sip until all of my water bottles are gone first. Yesterday was very hard for me. I didn't finish all of my water until right before bed, which meant no soda for me. I went to bed with the worst headache. It was a clear signal to me what effects the soda, even diet, does to your body. I hope that by limiting myself in this way, I will eventually work myself up to the point where I don't drink it anymore at all. However, I know that if I were to give it all up at once, I wouldn't be successful. I have tried it before. It is important to know what you are capable of and be realistic in the goals you set for yourself. If you can quit cold turkey, then do it! Your body will thank you for it. For me, I am focusing more on adding as much water as I can and then limiting my diet soda for now.

I hope this helps. I will be heading to the gym later today for my first spin class of the year and I know I will down 2 bottles of water easily so today should be no problem :)

Tip 1: Make it pretty :)

I obviously am no health or fitness expert. I have, however, been a yo-yo dieter since I was in junior high school. With that being said, I am trying some things differently this time around in hopes that these will be permanent changes to my life. I will share some of those here with you all (well, the 4 of you that are following me, lol) in hopes they may help you, too.

Tip 1: Make it pretty :)

I have always read to use a salad plate instead of a dinner plate when you prepare a meal for yourself. So today when I went to make lunch, instead of just making a sandwich and putting it on a paper towel and taking the crackers to the living room and mindlessly eating them, I took out a salad plate and made my lunch "pretty". I dug out a little glass dessert dish and cut up an banana and put it in there. It may sound silly, but it looked pretty and made me feel better about what I was eating. Not only were my portions calculated and tracked in my Weight Watchers online tracker, but I sat down at the table (gasp!) with a bottle of water (double gasp!) and ate my pretty lunch. Before I would have just sat in the living room watching tv or the kids play and probably wouldn't even remembered what I ate. Small steps......